MERRY XMAS!!

I was at St. Francis Xavier church on Christmas Eve. It was the first time I attended their mass and it was quite a memorable experience. The reason being the priest who gave the sermon was so dramatic that the mic almost got chewed out of the podium. He wasn’t emphasizing the importance of God in our lives neither was he proclaiming, it seemed more like he was trying to summon all the saints in heaven to come to the nave to share their same sentiments with the church. Especially whenever he said the word “precious”, I tried really hard not to be blasphemous and laugh out loud in church because he sounded so much like Gollum from lord of the rings.
“You are all PRECIOUS in God’s eyes”… (giggle giggle)
“ God finds all man PRECIOUS..” (giggle.. Giggle)
“ you are my PRECIOUS..” (Ok I think I got it already..)
And he kept repeating his points that I lost him half way trying to keep sober after a shot of Irish cream. So there I was, Christmas eve, in serangoon gardens celebrating the birth of Christ and alternating between not the choice of life and death but rather giggles and heavy eye lids.

And btw, merry xmas, merry xmas, merry xmas!

BITCH!
This is to release all the angst I have regarding my work. I just need a place to get it out of my system, but at the same time, I don’t want to bore my friends who don’t wish to hear about it but polite enough to PRETEND to be interested in such trivial matters. How considerate of me to allow you guys to choose what you want to hear from me. And vile of me to backstab backstabbers online
I see myself as a diplomatic person who advocates fairness. I’m a hardcore Libra. I always allow my armskote man to take off whenever there is nothing to do and he has his lion dance practice/performance. And I usually cover his ass when he over slept/ not around So much welfare for him and he took it for granted. I pity his lack of social awareness and lack of tact at times but this moron doesn’t deserve my sympathy.
There’s a need for either one of us to go to Brunei one day earlier, which is on Boxing Day. Naturally, conflict arises and drama follows. I ask him if he could go and he reluctantly agreed, so I made the appropriate arrangements on the spot. A minute later he ask if I have confirmed with encik who is to go for advance party. That’s strange, I thought, you said you would go. “ Why do you have to ask me when I was busy?" Was his outstanding retort. I regret for being nice to him immediately.
Two weeks later I realized he poisoned the whole world about what a bastard I was for forcing him to go without the encik’s consent (which wasn’t necessary because he is no longer with the coy.), coupled with mistakes I made at work, which he brought it up to my officer in command.
No point getting vulgar online. So I’ll just go smash my pillow up for being Mr. Nice guy.

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I think knowledgeable, eloquent women are very attractive.

XXX CHRISTMAS CAROLS
“ I saw mommy kissing Santa clause…”
The image of my Mother kissing a gargantuan fat old “chee ko bei” (pervert) crazy enough to wear red at his age and evil enough to blackmail you with gifts if you don’t behave has haunted my childhood. I made a vow to tear his beard from his face if he ever comes close to my mother. Bloody lau ti ko! Somebody ban the song!

Finally bought my spectacles and suspended my starhub line. Dad’s still out of town. Kinda miss my bro though, every time when I come home and see him, he would be 1 inch taller and there isn’t much room left for him to catch up with me. I wonder what did my parents feed my brother.

POPULAR BOOK STORE
“ Popular book store very popular meh? Only got a lot of assessment books”
I’m sure if there is a poll for the most favored book store, popular book store would be the least likely to win. Just check the faces of the kids being dragged into the store by their parents to buy assessment books.
“ Yes, buy this, English one, good one, last time the ah boy next door also do this book then get into RI. You must also get into RI or else no face.”
The boy stared at the mountainous pile of assessment books like they were satanic publications. A tear spilled from the corner of his eyes. He whimpered:’ but mum, you said you wanted to buy me HARRY PORTER one….”
Haha, tricked you loser, see you so gullible, so stupid, so must do more assessment books.. then become smarter
Of course she didn’t say that, in fact she said something much worse. “ You finish all your assessment books, get good grades and get into RI then I buy you HARRY PORTER.”
The boy was sent to A & E immediately.

Exaggeration aside, I use to remember the times my Dad will buy assessment books for me in my primary school days. And I dreaded that. Do you share the same horrible experience? If you do then don’t vote for Popular book store if there is such a poll and help me stuff something into the RI boy’s as…s… I mean mouth for going around bragging to the whole world how he got himself into the most prestigious school.

Disaster 3
LOST AND FOUND AND LOST AGAIN
23:45pm
then 0200 am

I conclude that if a thing is meant to be lost in the first place, no matter how you try to recover it, it won’t stay with you unless it really wants to.
I lost my specs twice. Once in the same cinema I lost my phone, the second, on the bus on my way to my friend’s house. Maybe it did not like my face.
I was really happy to recover my specs in it’s case after losing my phone, but that was just so that I would feel more devastated losing it for the 2nd time. I only realized it when I reached my friends place and I wanted to remove my contact lens. So there I was, my dad’s out of town, I haven’t got a phone and I’m blind as a bat.
All right. You can stop grinning at the computer screen now. You look silly

Disaster 2
“ IN MEMORIAM “ FOR THOSE THAT WE LOVED..
23:30pm

“The lord knows all those that belongs to him.” 2 Tim 2:19
Nokia 8210, badly scratched, dark blue and peeling. My trusty companion endures all the hardship as I handle it carelessly for 3 years. It never fails to whimper,” I’m all right, I’m all right. You see, I’ve got 4 bars for reception. The batteries a bit flat though, can… can you please charge me now, I mean, .. If it’s not a hassle, I haven’t been charged for days.”
Every time I let it down (or dropped it on the hard floor.)
I always knew the right buttons to press and I always knew it like the back of my hand. It always knew how to keep quiet when I’m watching a movie. But alas, on this faithful day, when I was watching “crazy first love.” He slipped away from my pocket and remains a sweet memory forever.
Dear phone, you will remain close to my heart. I shall always remember you but never all my friend’s telephone no.s. Why? Sob, sob!

I always wanted to publish something on Blogspot, but I cannot find the time or patience to seat down on my bed (like my friend Kenny), and carefully draft my life story for the whole world to bitch about.
This was until Kenny’s (sobakawa.blogspot.com) irritating and persistent teasing about my empty blogspot reached critical tolerance on this faithful day that set me thinking. Well, actually not quite. I am broke and I cannot afford to go out and play so I am here to tell you my sad story. And the reason I am broke is because on this faithful day, a whole chain of events happened that changed my uneventful day into a disastrous one.
I yearn for peace and solitude. (Money too.) Is that so rare in this century?

Exodus: No longer will John bottle up and remain in hiding for he is a lover of freedom of speech and a big bitch himself.

Disaster 1
VENGENCE ON CHARLIE
1300 Hrs
A bit about myself for those who don’t know me yet. I used to be a host in some children program called “Kid’s camp”, teaching young kids good manners Right now, I am a SISPEC trained combat sergeant, sprouting vulgarities at everyone who cross my path. Talk about change.
I am still in the army serving my remaining days as an armskote specialist. That means I get paid much to do pretty much nothing. I just have to account and maintain weapons for ALPHA company, tolerate irritating visits from the armourer, and learn to converse in hokkien with the even more boisterous. All this for $700 a month, free logging and meals, I say, what can get better then that? Well, there is a catch though, you will always be the last to sleep, the first to wake up (supposedly) and the last to book out. I hate the last bit
Anyways, back to my disaster. My company was booking out for the weekend and I was glad that I am too after 2 weeks confinement, until I received a call from Charlie armskote spec. (I wished my phone were lost, so that I won’t have to take it. It did eventually, but that’s another disaster)
He said the sub calibers (anti tank rocket launcher) that he has taken from my company were dirty. I mean, he could have told me earlier but NO.. his timing cannot be more precise. During that time, my company is already on its way out and I am this close to wearing my civilian clothes. Tempted to “Keblakan pu seng.” (Turn back in Malay) the entire company to clean the weapons, I decided against it because it’s still my responsibility. Actually, I had already gotten my men to clean it, but Charlie has to be particular. Fine, Fuck it. I’ll do it myself.
I put my civilian clothes aside and went over to Charlie coy with my butcher knife, only to be greeted by this meek, sheepish armskote man.
“Ex..Excues me… I’m sorry but the armoror says its not clean yet, there are 4 dirty ones.” He squeaks.
I hacked him into 2. Or so I wished I had. Instead I took out my cleaning kit and started to scrub the barrel with the rod like cheap porn star with a fetish for the cold deadly steel. After being stuck in testosterone oven for 2 weeks, even the most gentle can turn into a hideous monster.
“Are you satisfied now?” I asked
“ There is still a bit down here, if you don’t mind, can you please try to help get rid of that speck.”
I swallowed my frustration and obeyed. In a while, I finished 3 sub-caliber and I am surprise to see that he is stuck with the same one.
“Wow… How did you do that, it’s really fast,.. Wow… so clean.”
I kept my butcher knife, load my sub-caliber and shot him